The Reading Man
This is how Minnesota solved all it’s reading problems.
I was at the Minnesota state capital in St. Paul three years ago when they were taking testimony for The Read Act.
A man, sounding very much like Professor Harold Hill in The Music Man stood before them and said, “You’ve got problems, ladies and gentlemen. Right here in Minnesota. Your children can’t read!”
The legislators all gasped in horror.
“That’s right. They’re all far below grade level.”
“Oh no!”
“Yes, far below grade level. And to make matters worse, they’re even behind …” and here he paused dramatically, letting the anticipation build before saying loudly, “… Mississippi!”
“Oh the humiliation!”
“But lucky for you, I have just the right product. It’s been scientifically proven to work.”
He showed them pictures of happy, smiling children reading books. They had colorful plastic clothes pins on their ears. “Behold … the Pin Method!”
“But Dr. Johnson said that …”
The Reading Man interrupted. “Don’t listen to Dr. Johnson. Those egghead literacy professors don’t know what they’re talking about. The Reading Pin is evidence-based! It’s research-based! There’s supporting data! And it’s endorsed by Moms for Liberty!”
He showed them PowerPoint slides. They had numbers on it. There were graphs, and colorful charts. And there were pictures of smiling kids reading books. The Reading Man asked, “Are you going to believe a bunch of boring research? Or are you going to believe all these pictures, numbers, graphs, and charts.”
The state legislators looked at each other and nodded appreciatively.
“All you have to do is use our special Reading Pins, and all those reading problems go away,” he said. “Just like in Mississippi.”
They murmured and nodded even more appreciatively.
“But no ordinary pin will do. They must be our specially designed Reading Pins”. He held up a colorful clothespin that had the word ‘reading pin’ printed on it. “They’re research based.”
“Research-based! That’s a good thing.”
The Reading Man said, “And your teachers will need to be specially trained. The Pin Method uses instruction that’s systematic, direct, and explicit.”
“Those are good words!”
“And what’s more, the instruction … it’s extensive, sequential, cumulative, and in a logical order.”
“Hurray!” they all shouted.
“It’s multisensory!” he said.
“Hurray!” they all shouted.
“It’s structured, diagnostic, and prescriptive!” he said.
“Hurray! Hurray!” they all shouted.
“But first … your teachers will all need training,” he said.
“What kind of training?”
“Special training,” said the Reading Man, “in Pin-ology. Our specially trained, certified, expertly qualified pin-ologists will train your teachers!”
“It makes good sense.”
“And the teachers will need manuals,” he said.
“What kind of manuals?”
“Special Reading Pin manuals that require special training,” said the Reading Man.
The Reading Man stood up on a chair. “If you buy our products and services, there will be a reading renaissance in your public schools. I guarantee it. And all your students will be reading above average. And all your playgrounds will be filled with unicorns and lollipops. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want unicorns my friends?”
“Yes!” they all shouted.
“And don’t you want lollipops?”
“Yes!” they should again. “Yes, we do!”
“And don’t you want all your children to be above average?”
“Yes, yes!” they all shouted. “Please let us buy your Reading Pins. We’ve got $100 million just laying around that nobody’s using for anything.”
And that’s how The Read Act was passed here in Minnesota.
